things that take time

sticking with it

Julie Mehretu

So much novelty recently. J took me sailing for the first time in Michigan where the lake water is clear and silky. The sail opens up and billows. Face upturned, I watch the sky breathe. The sun-drenched fields in Copenhagen run past us. We eat thick slices of chewy dark rye bread with hummus and butter. I’m biking and walking across Northern Europe over the next two weeks. Continuum: being in different places and still feeling the same.

I’m interested in the relationship between time and understanding. Some things I’ve learned in a split second: via embarrassment or deep regret for an impulsive mistake I made, or an epiphany surfaced at a lecture or in the middle of reading. Other things have taken me a long time: for example, fine-tuning my taste. Is this sweater stylish or hideous? Why do I feel particularly inclined to certain people versus others? Or emotional wisdom: how do I seek and maintain quality relationships? How do I invest in people? How do I forgive?

The things I’ve learned over the past few years that feel most potent haven’t necessarily been acquiring tangible ‘skills’ as traditionally defined. They are more relational in nature. How to manage energy, how to maintain attention, how to care for others, how to set boundaries.

What’s kind of cool is this form of loosely termed self improvement seeps into all areas of my life. When I run into conflict I’m more calm, secure. I’m more comfortable asking for the reality I want, defending the way I want life to unfold. But I reflect on the fact that it took considerable intention and effort and a time horizon long enough for results to become obvious.

Some knowledge we acquire lies dormant until enough time and experience has passed until they are meaningfully realized.

A writing example: when I look back in my notes I realize so much of what I write about today I was ruminating about 2-3 years ago. I always knew what I was going to say. I just didn’t have the tools, I didn’t have the maturity, I didn’t have the language or sensitivity to beauty to recognize what that was. So much of what I learned was latent, unexpressed because I wasn’t ready. I had to stick with it. I had to wring it out with time, effort, intention.

One of my core beliefs is we all have a true voice, somewhere deep inside. I just have to be a good channel for mine, to listen curiously and attentively, to direct it well. I’m not there yet, or rather, I believe there’s still a meaningful gap between the work I aspire to create and the work I create now. So I hope to keep going and going. Forgetting and remembering. Writing and rewriting. Endurance over time.

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PPS: you might like related essays, everything in flux and feeling behind

Quote of the Week

From a conversation between artist Tal R and his partner Emma Rosenweig.in Apartamento Magazine via Moon Lists:

Everybody comes from somewhere. That’s something you just don’t even have to mention. You have a history, so everything you come across now, it’s never completely from scratch. I think creativity is really about what used to be and what is now. The work you do has to take its starting point from now. But still, you are from somewhere, even if your bones don’t necessarily belong to you… so creating art is between the bones and now

I really like this diagram related to this week’s idea of knowledge and learning (source unknown):

Photo of the Week

Amsterdam

French song of the Week (thanks R!)