I have a hard time reconciling my desire to be a great mother to my beautiful three children and to be very ambitious with my company - Sublime.
It's a problem of time more than anything else. I've always believed that "most people attribute to genius what is time", and both raising children and the creative work I feel called to do demand a lot of time. That balance is always fragile, so I don't have any advice to give here.
What I do know is that it's all hard - it's hard to be a mom and not work. It's hard to work and not have time to raise a family. It's hard to have a career and feel like you didn't devote enough time to your family. But we get to choose our hard.
I also know that the way we think of ambition in the US is very limiting. Those that take the job of building a family seriously are pursuing one of the most ambitious and noble acts. They are building something that outlasts them, whereas most startups and companies disappear within a few years. So it's also a matter of perspective.
So beautiful Nix, and right to the core. Feels like I've had to redefine ambition for myself many times now, my ambitions mutate. It's evolved away from an image or outcome to an internal state or process. It's meaningful to pursue my best, but wanting that to spring from inner necessity - and that's also where the deepest drive is. I love how you're linking it to confidence and validating your core desires, and how you're creating space to define it all for yourself.
Deeply feel the idea of configuring your own path with your self-knowledge! It's so valuable and we can only feel it when that first configuration becomes inevitable. It felt a little like defeat to me at the start but now that I've navigated it, it's become empowering and makes me feel stronger. Thanks for this post, amazing read on this fine Monday morning 🤍
This piece resonates deeply. I frequently think about weighing personal vs professional and (like your mentors) am about to take a year long sabbatical to create space for me to shape and build my life (creative, personal, professional). When I'm "on" at work, I'm very very on.
After a round of egg freezing last year, hopped up on hormones, I wrote this (https://niltyak.substack.com/p/my-ovaries). It aligns with your perspective that there are paths to chose from. In this piece I focus on my decision to prioritize independence, creativity, and career over traditional family building.
This is great. I especially love the line about arcing towards the frequency of your dream. This is how my dream also feels, I feel it in an energetic, intangible way and make subtle adjustments as I go, trying to keep it in the foreground so I'm encouraged to keep paying attention on that energetic level. Which is easier said than done of course.
Quickly I'll say, I'm an artist and writer who hasn't created much income from creative work but it's been a huge priority for me. So my life up to now has been a balance of generating income and making creative work outside that time. My ambition in the creative sphere of work is very masculine, a lot of push and hard work and lots of energy.
Now I'm 38 and trying to conceive. I've had two miscarriages in six months. My focus now is in trying to slow my body down in that more receptive feminine energy of lushness. My creative work is a huge part of that but my ambition instinctively makes me push harder. I can see how ive taken the qualities of capitalism and superimposed them into my creative life without realising! Shock horror.
So I'm working everyday and week on slowing down (which is so hard) and trying not to do it with a grind culture mindset (being aware of not trying to rest as hard as I can because its a hustle if i do it that way). Fighting every socialised instinct there but it feels so good when I do it. Now I'm balancing income, creative work and body slowness. It makes the priorities shift in really interesting ways. Still figuring it all out.
I love hearing mention of women who leave the corporate world for their lives. It's so important to see that side.
This was so lovely to read! I’m so interested in how people relate to their ambitions. For women especially, being openly ambitious feels almost crass…but I think a sincere commitment to your ambitions is necessary to actually achieve them! And part of that commitment involves finding your specific ambitions instead of the ones others think you should have. Thanks for this and for the shoutout too (very excited you’re reading Cărtărescu!)
this was beautiful. instant add to my collection of ramblings from around the web on "women and ambition" https://sublime.app/collection/women-and-ambition
I have a hard time reconciling my desire to be a great mother to my beautiful three children and to be very ambitious with my company - Sublime.
It's a problem of time more than anything else. I've always believed that "most people attribute to genius what is time", and both raising children and the creative work I feel called to do demand a lot of time. That balance is always fragile, so I don't have any advice to give here.
What I do know is that it's all hard - it's hard to be a mom and not work. It's hard to work and not have time to raise a family. It's hard to have a career and feel like you didn't devote enough time to your family. But we get to choose our hard.
I also know that the way we think of ambition in the US is very limiting. Those that take the job of building a family seriously are pursuing one of the most ambitious and noble acts. They are building something that outlasts them, whereas most startups and companies disappear within a few years. So it's also a matter of perspective.
So beautiful Nix, and right to the core. Feels like I've had to redefine ambition for myself many times now, my ambitions mutate. It's evolved away from an image or outcome to an internal state or process. It's meaningful to pursue my best, but wanting that to spring from inner necessity - and that's also where the deepest drive is. I love how you're linking it to confidence and validating your core desires, and how you're creating space to define it all for yourself.
Deeply feel the idea of configuring your own path with your self-knowledge! It's so valuable and we can only feel it when that first configuration becomes inevitable. It felt a little like defeat to me at the start but now that I've navigated it, it's become empowering and makes me feel stronger. Thanks for this post, amazing read on this fine Monday morning 🤍
This piece resonates deeply. I frequently think about weighing personal vs professional and (like your mentors) am about to take a year long sabbatical to create space for me to shape and build my life (creative, personal, professional). When I'm "on" at work, I'm very very on.
After a round of egg freezing last year, hopped up on hormones, I wrote this (https://niltyak.substack.com/p/my-ovaries). It aligns with your perspective that there are paths to chose from. In this piece I focus on my decision to prioritize independence, creativity, and career over traditional family building.
Your writing inspired me to share.
This is great. I especially love the line about arcing towards the frequency of your dream. This is how my dream also feels, I feel it in an energetic, intangible way and make subtle adjustments as I go, trying to keep it in the foreground so I'm encouraged to keep paying attention on that energetic level. Which is easier said than done of course.
Quickly I'll say, I'm an artist and writer who hasn't created much income from creative work but it's been a huge priority for me. So my life up to now has been a balance of generating income and making creative work outside that time. My ambition in the creative sphere of work is very masculine, a lot of push and hard work and lots of energy.
Now I'm 38 and trying to conceive. I've had two miscarriages in six months. My focus now is in trying to slow my body down in that more receptive feminine energy of lushness. My creative work is a huge part of that but my ambition instinctively makes me push harder. I can see how ive taken the qualities of capitalism and superimposed them into my creative life without realising! Shock horror.
So I'm working everyday and week on slowing down (which is so hard) and trying not to do it with a grind culture mindset (being aware of not trying to rest as hard as I can because its a hustle if i do it that way). Fighting every socialised instinct there but it feels so good when I do it. Now I'm balancing income, creative work and body slowness. It makes the priorities shift in really interesting ways. Still figuring it all out.
I love hearing mention of women who leave the corporate world for their lives. It's so important to see that side.
This was so lovely to read! I’m so interested in how people relate to their ambitions. For women especially, being openly ambitious feels almost crass…but I think a sincere commitment to your ambitions is necessary to actually achieve them! And part of that commitment involves finding your specific ambitions instead of the ones others think you should have. Thanks for this and for the shoutout too (very excited you’re reading Cărtărescu!)