I thought I’d let a season pass and then things would be the same as they were, but the seasons kept going and I kept morphing before I could register it. Too late to restore the past, I’d have to keep forging forward bravely and leave the things that shaped me behind. Like a potter with a heap of lifeless clay, I had to carve until I saw the vision come alive.
“a consistent slog toward something really soft and ambiguous” is the sentence i’ve been looking for when trying to explain how unknown pursuing creative goals can be. keeping this in my back pocket & remembering i can take it out whenever i want and there’s no rush to shape it (slowly) into something
"My friends tease me about liking San Francisco, but I think it’s inevitable to have a warped, unrequited love for the place or person that first revealed you to yourself". Yes indeed. Perhaps your love for SF isn't unrequited, however! (I just moved out of SF after almost 40 years here. The City and I are still in love, we just have agreed to see each other a little less, which makes the times we have together even sweeter :-)
This is such an inspiring essay. I wrote down several things you wrote in my journal to refer back to. Your phrase “if you don’t live the way you believe, you will inevitably believe the way you live” hurt, but in a good self recognition type of way.
love your reflections on being more ambitious, holistically. recently wrote about ambition and have been thinking deeply about how we fuel our ambition. for so long, my ambition was fueled by ego, but as I've learned to bet on myself, it's been about "aligning my ego with my will and my soul"
Love this recognition of life and art and love and all of it adding up in teaspoons, in the actions taken daily, in the things that aren't really measurable. <3
Also, based on your comment about it, you may resonate with my recent post about San Francisco ...
YES! would love to read about having a full time job!!!
“a consistent slog toward something really soft and ambiguous” is the sentence i’ve been looking for when trying to explain how unknown pursuing creative goals can be. keeping this in my back pocket & remembering i can take it out whenever i want and there’s no rush to shape it (slowly) into something
I truly appreciate everything you’ve written here but effort as the sustaining bit and the necessary component really resonates with me.
"My friends tease me about liking San Francisco, but I think it’s inevitable to have a warped, unrequited love for the place or person that first revealed you to yourself". Yes indeed. Perhaps your love for SF isn't unrequited, however! (I just moved out of SF after almost 40 years here. The City and I are still in love, we just have agreed to see each other a little less, which makes the times we have together even sweeter :-)
This is such an inspiring essay. I wrote down several things you wrote in my journal to refer back to. Your phrase “if you don’t live the way you believe, you will inevitably believe the way you live” hurt, but in a good self recognition type of way.
Would love to read about writing on the side with a FT job, Nix.
Love this!!! Was just talking to a friend about how we can live life more intentionally to achieve our goals :)
congrats on starting your new job, Nicole :)
love your reflections on being more ambitious, holistically. recently wrote about ambition and have been thinking deeply about how we fuel our ambition. for so long, my ambition was fueled by ego, but as I've learned to bet on myself, it's been about "aligning my ego with my will and my soul"
“if you don’t live the way you believe, you inevitably believe the way you live.” Banger.
Congratulations on the new job! Reading your work always feel like a warm hug from a friend. Looking forward to more hugs <3
you stated the following, "if you don’t live the way you believe, you inevitably believe the way you live."
Does this phrase come from you, or have you quoted it from somewhere else?
Love this recognition of life and art and love and all of it adding up in teaspoons, in the actions taken daily, in the things that aren't really measurable. <3
Also, based on your comment about it, you may resonate with my recent post about San Francisco ...
https://createmefree.substack.com/p/i-live-here-sf-a-look-back-at-a-15
The way you capture everything makes my soul feel renewed every time. Thank you for you.
Congrats on the new job! I’d love to read how that slots into your life, especially with writing.
"if you don’t live the way you believe, you inevitably believe the way you live." love this