"...all romance is an enduring curiosity for another person." I love how you've put this so succinctly. It's been my experience as well. Every fulfilling intimate relationship I've had (romantic and platonic) has been characterized by a deep desire to know and understand the other person's interior life and motivations.
Lovely post Nix! The subtleties of positive connections is something I've been thinking about a lot. 2 connected ideas:
1. Sometimes we are happy with a 1.1x improvement in our life, but it's genuinely possible to 10x our life. I think we stay away from big scary improvements with small guaranteed improvements (doing what we want vs oh I'm getting promoted in a couple of months)
2. Desire really warps perception, which makes it scary. From an old post of mine:
"[wanting is scary]. There’s a sense of groundedness, of certainty in not wanting. Desire warps the world around us that we cannot cannot perceive, that we cannot compensate or calculate against.
You can want someone so badly that you romanticise every interaction you have with them just to come to the shattering conclusion that they never thought of you that way. All you are left with is false memories, shards of glass reflecting a reality warped by the heat of desire.
The scary part of love is that you never know if it’s real. The girl who’s in love with a psychopath and her soulmate is feeling the exact same thing."
ooof the first one really hits home, thanks for your insightful comment. I'm always asking myself, what if I didn't limit myself to 2-3 steps ahead and instead think of the 10 steps ahead? Instead of the step, what about the leap?
Your observations on relational intuition are incredibly sharp. It’s true that negative interactions are much easier to recognize, while the subtleties of positive connections often remain hazy. We constantly project our own feelings and expectations, blurring the reality of how someone else perceives us. That "weird dance" of navigating other people’s desires and priorities is such an accurate description of how we try to map out the inner landscapes of others, often without the feedback we need to be sure
The entire paragraph on logic and intuition was so on point. Sometimes when I’m trying to be in tune with my intuition logic interrupts the conversation and attempts to establish its footing … but logic can be faultier than intuition! Actually paradigm shifting.
thank you!! And it's SO hard when they are at odds one part of you wants 1 and the other part wants 2, and it depends which part is fighting harder to win
"...all romance is an enduring curiosity for another person." I love how you've put this so succinctly. It's been my experience as well. Every fulfilling intimate relationship I've had (romantic and platonic) has been characterized by a deep desire to know and understand the other person's interior life and motivations.
continuous unearthing is the goal!
Lovely post Nix! The subtleties of positive connections is something I've been thinking about a lot. 2 connected ideas:
1. Sometimes we are happy with a 1.1x improvement in our life, but it's genuinely possible to 10x our life. I think we stay away from big scary improvements with small guaranteed improvements (doing what we want vs oh I'm getting promoted in a couple of months)
2. Desire really warps perception, which makes it scary. From an old post of mine:
"[wanting is scary]. There’s a sense of groundedness, of certainty in not wanting. Desire warps the world around us that we cannot cannot perceive, that we cannot compensate or calculate against.
You can want someone so badly that you romanticise every interaction you have with them just to come to the shattering conclusion that they never thought of you that way. All you are left with is false memories, shards of glass reflecting a reality warped by the heat of desire.
The scary part of love is that you never know if it’s real. The girl who’s in love with a psychopath and her soulmate is feeling the exact same thing."
ooof the first one really hits home, thanks for your insightful comment. I'm always asking myself, what if I didn't limit myself to 2-3 steps ahead and instead think of the 10 steps ahead? Instead of the step, what about the leap?
Your observations on relational intuition are incredibly sharp. It’s true that negative interactions are much easier to recognize, while the subtleties of positive connections often remain hazy. We constantly project our own feelings and expectations, blurring the reality of how someone else perceives us. That "weird dance" of navigating other people’s desires and priorities is such an accurate description of how we try to map out the inner landscapes of others, often without the feedback we need to be sure
Thank you for reading Jaap!
The entire paragraph on logic and intuition was so on point. Sometimes when I’m trying to be in tune with my intuition logic interrupts the conversation and attempts to establish its footing … but logic can be faultier than intuition! Actually paradigm shifting.
thank you!! And it's SO hard when they are at odds one part of you wants 1 and the other part wants 2, and it depends which part is fighting harder to win
so agree with that one: "Constraints are powerful." which is exactly why point #8 of "LE NEW CONSUMER" manifesto: https://objet.substack.com/p/080-le-new-consumer-manifesto
I like your observation about framing.